I'm the ORIGINAL iron-jawed, brass-mounted, copper-bellied corpse-maker from the wilds of Arkansas! Look at me! I'm the man they call Sudden Death and General Desolation! Sired by a hurricane, dam'd by an earthquake, half brother to the cholera, nearly related to the small-pox on the mother's side! Look at me! I take 19 alligators and a bar'll of whiskey when I'm in robust health , and a bushel of rattlesnakes and a dead body when I'm ailing! I split the everlasting rocks with my glance, and I quench the thunder when I speak. Stand back and give me room according to my strength! Blood's my natural drink, and the wails of the dying is music to my ears! Cast your eyes on me gentlemen- and lay low and hold your breath, for I'm 'bout to turn myself loose!!!



This text is possibly the most bad-a** thing i have ever read. It appears in chapter XVI of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn By Mark Twain (Sam Clemens). This part of the chapter never actually appeared in the book until after Twain's death, when editors decided the passage was important. the whole scene barely includes Huck and Jim, but deals heavily with life as a raftsman on the Mississippi river.

The above quote is a preamble to a fight which is contested with an even more long winded, but not nearly as powerful, retort by a character who calls himself "the child of calamity"

I love how powerful the threat is yet it has no swearing, just well selected verbiage.